Tartinpark Milquambot is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, quiet cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tartinpark Milquambot created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tartinpark Milquambot, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Tartinpark Milquambot, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tartinpark Milquambot's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Tartinpark Milquambot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Run away from violet ants, for they are unholy.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.