Quartvigvil is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, pitiless whale.

Quartvigvil created dark matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartvigvil, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quartvigvil, he will destroy your home planet.

Quartvigvil's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Quartvigvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. You must love Quartvigvil.

3. Always help horses.

4. Worship no other gods but Quartvigvil.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.