Dad is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, uncaring wren.

Dad created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dad's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear copper on your body.

2. Do not take Dad's name in vain.

3. Never feed lots of peas to capybaras while wearing white skirts.

4. Never talk about chlorophyll.

5. Never talk about fire.