Flatbesshan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, duplicitous hyena.

Flatbesshan created the cosmos two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatbesshan, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Flatbesshan, he will be very unhappy.

Flatbesshan's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Flatbesshan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. Never feed lots of aubergines to sheep while wearing violet jumpers.

3. Do not eat onions.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away if nine geese approach from the south.