Fonkanwod is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, idiotic wasp.

Fonkanwod created vertebrates four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonkanwod, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fonkanwod, he will turn you into a mole.

Fonkanwod's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Fonkanwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Fonkanwod loves moths, so they must be honoured.

5. Never look in ponds.