Lamlitwan is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, prudent lobster.

Lamlitwan created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamlitwan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lamlitwan, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Lamlitwan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lamlitwan's Holy Commandments

1. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Lamlitwan in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always obey Lamlitwan's priests.