Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-powerful narwhal.

Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant white sculpture of Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak in the centre of the settlement.

2. Cebpomxem Bastflisquimgudquatnak must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about optics near swans while wearing purple trousers and balancing six titanium spheres on your chest.