Larnzogxuckhomved is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, sapient lobster.

Larnzogxuckhomved created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnzogxuckhomved, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larnzogxuckhomved, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Larnzogxuckhomved's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Larnzogxuckhomved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Worship no other gods but Larnzogxuckhomved.

4. Never wear indigo shirts.

5. Never jump in the presence of manatees.