Jarnhap is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, loving cow.

Jarnhap created the universe four million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhap, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jarnhap, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jarnhap's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jarnhap's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow shirts.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Never play with disobedient children.