Bedbignill is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, cheerful dugong.

Bedbignill created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bedbignill, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bedbignill, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bedbignill's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Bedbignill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt dogs.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Retreat if eight otters approach from the east.

4. You must never eat carrots.

5. Do not kill dolphins.