Jarnbifnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, all-knowing porpoise.

Jarnbifnutt created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnbifnutt, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnbifnutt, she will ignore you.

Jarnbifnutt's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Jarnbifnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Retreat if eight sheep approach from the west.

3. Never look at dwarf planets.

4. Never go into turquoise rooms.

5. Erect seven carbon sculptures of Jarnbifnutt on top of important buildings.