Bifbimsig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, dishonest crab.

Bifbimsig created humanity two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifbimsig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bifbimsig, he will be very unhappy.

Bifbimsig's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bifbimsig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Bifbimsig loves sheep, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near snails while wearing brown ear rings.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.