Hommapyar is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring porpoise.

Hommapyar created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hommapyar, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hommapyar, he will torture you forever.

Hommapyar's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Hommapyar's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Hommapyar on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about monkeys.

4. Never paint your chest indigo.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.