Ran is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, caring hyena.

Ran created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ran, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ran, he will not invite you to parties.

Ran's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ran's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Ran.

2. Do not dye your hair blue.

3. Never go into white rooms.

4. Never wear purple shorts.

5. Never talk about bacteria.