Sagbarntig is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, thoughtless grasshopper.

Sagbarntig created a down quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sagbarntig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sagbarntig, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Sagbarntig's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Sagbarntig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat turnips.

2. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Sagbarntig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Sagbarntig.

5. Never feed lots of beans to eagles while wearing purple coats.