Nilmotcun is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, loving dingo.

Nilmotcun created the solar system three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilmotcun, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nilmotcun, he will ignore you.

Nilmotcun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nilmotcun's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Nilmotcun's priests.

2. Always help swans.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never feed lots of garlic to rats while wearing mauve scarves.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.