Sidlatlamvonkjin is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, strong seal.

Sidlatlamvonkjin created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sidlatlamvonkjin, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sidlatlamvonkjin, he will turn you into a frog.

Sidlatlamvonkjin's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Sidlatlamvonkjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of doves.

2. Always look after injured snails.

3. Do not skip in public.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.