Pidbogquart is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless grasshopper.

Pidbogquart created the Virgo Supercluster nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pidbogquart, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pidbogquart, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Pidbogquart's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Pidbogquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always treat sharks with great respect.

3. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

4. Do not dye your hair white.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near frogs while wearing brown shoes.