Tailhapcep is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, all-powerful elephant.

Tailhapcep created the Milkyway six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailhapcep, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tailhapcep, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tailhapcep's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Tailhapcep's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tailhapcep.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Run away from mauve mice, for they are unholy.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing black corsets and balancing eight gold spheres on your neck.