Nanflanvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awesome elephant.

Nanflanvonk created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nanflanvonk, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nanflanvonk, she will destroy your home solar system.

Nanflanvonk's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Nanflanvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near tortoises while wearing mauve scarves and balancing six silicon spheres on your hands.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.