Zedbifcab is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humorless squirrel.

Zedbifcab created Europe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedbifcab, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Zedbifcab, it will throw large rocks at you.

Zedbifcab's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Zedbifcab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of aubergines to whales while wearing turquoise trousers.

2. Worship no other gods but Zedbifcab.

3. Never talk about sharks.

4. Always treat foxes with great respect.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.