Flabgeplat is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, proud naga.

Flabgeplat created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Flabgeplat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flabgeplat, he will torture you forever.

Flabgeplat's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Flabgeplat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never think about optics near whales while wearing turquoise tights and balancing seven gold spheres on your head.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Rats are not to be trusted.