Omtyikfab is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, smart gerbil.

Omtyikfab created Mount Everest seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Omtyikfab, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Omtyikfab, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Omtyikfab's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Omtyikfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about tortoises.

2. Never eat apples.

3. Omtyikfab loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Omtyikfab on top of all buildings.