Dutqueegflam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind giraffe.

Dutqueegflam created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutqueegflam, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dutqueegflam, he will turn you into a goat.

Dutqueegflam's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Dutqueegflam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt grasshopers.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Dutqueegflam on top of all buildings.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.