Gofzendud is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unthinking shark.

Gofzendud created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofzendud, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gofzendud, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gofzendud's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gofzendud's Holy Commandments

1. Gofzendud loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

2. Always help gulls in need.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.