Tailyatthabvig is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, slow alligator.

Tailyatthabvig created tapeworms eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailyatthabvig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tailyatthabvig, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tailyatthabvig's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tailyatthabvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory.

2. Tailyatthabvig loves ants, so they must be honoured.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Never sit in the presence of bats.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.