Padnadtap is a god.

It takes the form of a small, ruthless tortoise.

Padnadtap created the Sun two years ago.

If you believe in Padnadtap, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Padnadtap, it will jump up and down on your head.

Padnadtap's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Padnadtap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help aardvarks.

2. Worship no other gods but Padnadtap.

3. Put Padnadtap first in all things.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.