Flathivxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, flying manatee.

Flathivxuck created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flathivxuck, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flathivxuck, it will turn you into a puffin.

Flathivxuck's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Flathivxuck's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat melons.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not eat lemons.

5. Always help sick goats.