Dutcamkomhiv Sittenquimtarg is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unfair wombat.

Dutcamkomhiv Sittenquimtarg created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutcamkomhiv Sittenquimtarg, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dutcamkomhiv Sittenquimtarg, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Dutcamkomhiv Sittenquimtarg's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Dutcamkomhiv Sittenquimtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never sit in holy places.