Yarptamnat is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, fast centipede.

Yarptamnat created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarptamnat, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yarptamnat, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yarptamnat's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Yarptamnat's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Run away if six manatees approach from the north.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about special relativity near birds while wearing pink tights and balancing seven silver spheres on your neck.

5. Never wear green jumpers.