Quagpidtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, contented toad.

Quagpidtonk created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagpidtonk, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quagpidtonk, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quagpidtonk's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Quagpidtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always stare at clouds.