Garvinquat is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, two-faced squirrel.

Garvinquat created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garvinquat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Garvinquat, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Garvinquat's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Garvinquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of grapes to frogs while wearing white shirts.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never write about dwarf planets.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near geese while wearing gray scarves and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.