Hassagsug is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, tranquil gnu.

Hassagsug created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hassagsug, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hassagsug, he will laugh at you.

Hassagsug's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Hassagsug's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not hurt sharks.

3. Do not eat corn.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Always wear gray.