Titkopven is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, intelligent yak.

Titkopven created Africa six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titkopven, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Titkopven, he will turn you into a tree.

Titkopven's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Titkopven's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. You must never eat melons.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Titkopven.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.