Cipvolbap is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless bat.

Cipvolbap created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cipvolbap, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cipvolbap, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Cipvolbap's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cipvolbap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats in need.

2. Do not hurt porpoises.

3. Do not kill swans.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always stare at clouds.