Dumtabnurljan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, astonishing hamster.

Dumtabnurljan created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumtabnurljan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dumtabnurljan, he will turn you into a worm.

Dumtabnurljan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dumtabnurljan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Never talk about tapirs.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Never hurt eagles.