Jantenfas is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, smart bear.

Jantenfas created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jantenfas, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jantenfas, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Jantenfas' most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Jantenfas' Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jantenfas.

2. Never write about dark energy.

3. Run away from violet monkeys, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about spacetime.

5. Retreat if nine porpoises approach from the south.