Bagstragnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless dog.

Bagstragnurl created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagstragnurl, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bagstragnurl, he will turn you into a dog.

Bagstragnurl's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bagstragnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dogs.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bagstragnurl.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.