Listfatkem is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, sage pig.

Listfatkem created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Listfatkem, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Listfatkem, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Listfatkem's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Listfatkem's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Listfatkem must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always pray immersed in water.