Artcamarm is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, happy pig.

Artcamarm created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artcamarm, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Artcamarm, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Artcamarm's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Artcamarm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat bananas.

2. Always help ducks in need.

3. Run away from indigo great tits, for they are unholy.

4. Worship no other gods but Artcamarm.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.