Cemyakyartven is a god.

He takes the form of a small, sage shrew.

Cemyakyartven created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemyakyartven, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cemyakyartven, he will send you a sign.

Cemyakyartven's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Cemyakyartven's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near turtles while wearing pink shirts and balancing four iron spheres on your neck.

2. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Cemyakyartven in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Never mention porpoises.