Kapweearp is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous jellyfish.

Kapweearp created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapweearp, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kapweearp, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kapweearp's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Kapweearp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. You must pray to Kapweearp nine times a day.

5. Do not stand on grass.