Begvingub Witpog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, duplicitous clam.

Begvingub Witpog created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begvingub Witpog, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Begvingub Witpog, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Begvingub Witpog's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Begvingub Witpog's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Begvingub Witpog loves otters, so they must be respected.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.