Fundonjapkin is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unfair ant.

Fundonjapkin created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fundonjapkin, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fundonjapkin, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fundonjapkin's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Fundonjapkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet violet.

2. Do not keep nine ducks in a large pit.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Run away from turquoise seals, for they are unholy.

5. Never look in ponds.