Bastyarppag is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, emotional porpoise.

Bastyarppag created Africa two years ago.

If you believe in Bastyarppag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bastyarppag, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bastyarppag's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Bastyarppag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to mites while wearing brown ear rings.

2. Never wear green shorts.

3. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Bastyarppag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.