Yarpwipyamhun is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, competent salamander.

Yarpwipyamhun created bats four million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpwipyamhun, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yarpwipyamhun, he will think nothing of it.

Yarpwipyamhun's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Yarpwipyamhun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Yarpwipyamhun on top of all buildings.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat oranges.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about spacetime near squirrels while wearing mauve tights.