Tenvegzak Jipraklim is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, resourceful ferret.

Tenvegzak Jipraklim created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenvegzak Jipraklim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tenvegzak Jipraklim, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tenvegzak Jipraklim's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tenvegzak Jipraklim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics near whales while wearing fawn shorts.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Do not eat pineapples.