Bessjopkem is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid yak.

Bessjopkem created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessjopkem, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bessjopkem, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bessjopkem's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Bessjopkem's Holy Commandments

1. Bessjopkem must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Worship no other gods but Bessjopkem.

5. Never mention turtles.