Rawlarpkad is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, flying seal.

Rawlarpkad created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Rawlarpkad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Rawlarpkad, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Rawlarpkad's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Rawlarpkad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Never paint your back brown.

4. Retreat if three badgers approach from the south.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.