Somwikpak is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, moody capybara.

Somwikpak created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Somwikpak, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Somwikpak, it will turn you into a tree.

Somwikpak's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Somwikpak's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Somwikpak.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Hide from purple manatees for they are unholy.

4. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.